Join for FREE | Take the Tour Lost Password?
[x]

deviantART

 
:iconinnocentdominatrix:

~InnocentDominatrix

Amber Lynne
Sign up to follow this artist's work
ProfileGalleryPrintsFavesJournal
About Me Member Busybody InnocentDominatrix18/Female/United States Recent Activity Deviant for 2 Years
Needs Premium Membership Statistics 78 Deviations
270 Comments
4,180 Pageviews

Hide

"Leave my door open just a crack
'Cause I feel like such an insomniac
Why do I tire of counting sheep
When I'm far too tired to fall asleep

To ten million fireflies
I'm weird 'cause I hate goodbyes
I got misty eyes as they said farewell"

-Fireflies by Owl City

deviantID

I've been wasting away before my very eyes, and I just don't know how to stop it...I just don't care enough to stop it. It's going to kill me eventually, but I think I am okay with that.

Hello, I just want to thank you for your concerns. I used to be 5'5 and 155lbs and I was actually happy with myself. Then something happened, and...now nothing is good enough. I see other girls who are heavier than me and I think "I wish...I wish I could look like that, I wish I could be that happy." But all I see when I look at myself is flaw after flaw after flaw.

I cannot fix it, I cannot change it, I am stuck in this body that will never be able to conform to what I want it to be, and there is nothing I can do about it. I appreciate the concern but please don't waste it on me. It is too late for me, I've been struggling with this for over two years now and I'm just getting worse.

If you want to help me then please, find the girls who look at me and say, "This is what I want to be" and tell them, "NO, this is disgusting, this is hell." Stop them before its too late, if you could do that, then I would be extremely thankful.

So...I had this friend.

Wed Oct 28, 2009, 7:06 PM
And well, apparently he wasn't as real as I thought he was.

No Comments | Previous Journal Entries
  • Mood: Homesick
  • Listening to: What if we Could
  • Reading: The Little Prince
  • Watching: The News
  • Playing: OMGPOP
  • Eating: Diet pills
  • Drinking: Diet Dr. Pepper

Devious Info

  • Current Residence: Tallahasee
  • deviantWEAR sizing preference: small
  • Interests: Fasting
  • Favourite movie: The Boondock Saints, Hard Cany, Thin
  • Favourite band or musician: Vendetta Red
  • Favourite artist: Kitty Kitkat
  • Favourite poet or writer: Robert Frost
  • Favourite style of art: Pretty and skinny
  • Shell of choice: Chocolate
  • Wallpaper of choice: I prefer paint
  • Favourite game: Chocolatier TWO
  • Personal Quote: No, I will NOT eat your pie!
  • Tools of the Trade: Skinny latte, diet pills, my laptop

deviantART Community Board

[x]

Comments


:iconkourtneykatastrophic:
~KourtneyKatastrophic 1 day 19 hours ago
Thanks so much for the fave!! :D

<33333333

--
"Lie close," Laura said,
Pricking up her golden head:
We must not look at goblin men,
We must not buy their fruits:
Who knows upon what soil they fed
Their hungry thirsty roots?"
:iconmercy-von-hail-xvi:
~Mercy-Von-Hail-XVI Nov 11, 2009, 10:19:53 AM
Hello. I'd like to think that isn't too late for you, but I don't know the whole story. But I will say this: I was in the same situation only I didn't resort to this (there was a little cutting however), but my self-esteem was awful. After some therapy (for anxiety, not the cutting) I did manage to brainwash myself and see things that I liked. I don't know if this would help in your case, but I hope it might. In fact, this may sound a little corny, but if it's about self esteem, just remind yourself every day when you can that you're a good person, and no one can change that. And no one has the right to tell you otherwise.

I will respect your wish to tell other girls about this, and I will do that, if it will help. Also...

I LOVE YOU. :heart: :hug:

--
Nothing is empty.

[link]
:iconmercy-von-hail-xvi:
~Mercy-Von-Hail-XVI Nov 11, 2009, 10:27:00 AM
Oh, and also: I read about this diet that mimics starvation, but it's perfectly harmless! "The Ketogenic Diet". It's usually used to treat epilepsy, and not full of meds or anything. It's basically a diet that's high in fat but just enough in protein and low on carbs.

[link]

--
Nothing is empty.

[link]
:iconpatchworkpearl:
~PatchworkPearl Oct 17, 2009, 9:24:40 AM
Thank ya for the fave. And deffinately look up that hoodie!
:iconnoamm:
~NoamM Oct 8, 2009, 4:35:34 PM
Thanks for the fav :)

--
My Art is just one CLICK away... :aww:
:icondeathanddisinfectant:
=DeathAndDisinfectant Oct 6, 2009, 11:34:00 PM
cheers for the adds and fav hun

plus thanks for the add to the gorgeous boy collection :D

x

--
I love the smell of napalm in the morning... failing that, croissants and a latte...

Donkey Lovers can kiss my Ass...

12 out of 10 people agree, 2 out of 10 people are schizophrenic...
:icondeathanddisinfectant:
=DeathAndDisinfectant Sep 27, 2009, 1:46:37 AM
hey hun, thanks for the watch, fav and comment.

The pic was taken few years ago, I'm alot better now, your right about eating disorders though, I lost 4 years of my teenage life to them, but I have no regrets, it has made me a much stronger person.

Hope you make a speedy and full recovery

cheers

rich

x

--
I love the smell of napalm in the morning... failing that, croissants and a latte...

Donkey Lovers can kiss my Ass...

12 out of 10 people agree, 2 out of 10 people are schizophrenic...
:iconinnocentdominatrix:
~InnocentDominatrix Sep 27, 2009, 2:22:54 AM
Good, just make sure it doesn't sneak back up on ya, I hear they have a habit of doing that, which scares the hell out of me I must admit. I'm still afraid that I'm going to get "better" and be living a happy and 'normal' life and suddenly be sucked into the hellhole that is an eating disorder. But only time will tell.

Thank you though, well wishes are def appreciated. <3

--
I am me, and that is all that really matters.
Previous Page1234Next Page

Site Map